The adventures of Algebra and Moose

Cat and Moose Story—1500


A moose wakes up on an urban deck. He has been sleeping off his hangover from the Christmas party the evening before. He had come as a guest; his costume was as one of Santa’s reindeer. In his drunken slumber, a feral cat has climbed on his back and slept on him, as she found him to be a warm place to sleep. The Moose, who by nature can tolerate temperatures up to 50 degrees F in summer, shakes the cat off his back not knowing what it is and investigates the situation in which he has put himself.
Off in the distance, a disheveled Santa flies away. His costume is halfway off and he is having trouble standing on the sleigh. His sleigh is pulled by a drunken and confused group of animals. Most, but not all, of the animals are of from the deer family. Their harnesses look more like that of a Folsom Street leather daddy than that of children’s illustrated Christmas books.
The Moose expresses his remorse over losing his ride. He tells the cat that he is from Canada and that he’s not sure how he will get back without Santa’s version of a G-V. He reveals himself to be gay and to have come to the party as one of Santa’s companions/arm candy. The moose confesses, however, that Canada is boring and he loves the excitement of the big city.
The cat, whose name is Algebra, is preoccupied with her own problems. Algebra has taken up residence on a deck that is attached to an apartment with an indoor cat, which allows her ample opportunities to steal its food. In fact, the Legs, (inside cat’s feeder) has given up chasing her off and has just begun to feed Algebra on purpose. Algebra must remind the Legs, though, that she still exists. Algebra longs for the days when she was still able to sneak in the basement of the building and find a good place to sleep and get out of the rain. She has also mysteriously lost her outdoor cat companion, which leaves her colder too, and lonely.
After some listening to Moose for a while, and this place he wishes to get back to for winter, she determines this place Canada and The Basement, must be one and the same. Algebra tells Moose he should crash with her for a while, as he can enjoy the city and eat all the cat food he wants. Together, the two will be able to formulate a plan on how to get back to the basement/Canada.
As the two animals discuss, Algebra is distracted by that familiar and most loved sound: hard cat food pellets hitting inside cat’s bowl in the room off the deck. Algebra runs to the door to throw herself at the window. This reminds The Legs she too, needs to eat and rolls on her back to demonstrate her trust of the Legs. As the Legs pops the door open, it pours food into the outside bowl and grabs the dirty water bowl. As the Legs return with water a skinny and well groomed cat dashes out the door onto the deck, getting tangled in the Legs. The Legs (whose face we never see) sighs an exits back off the deck holding an icepack that covers the face. The indoor cat ousts Algebra from eating at the bowl. She eats only a few bites and then makes her way around the deck and meets the Moose.
She lets the Moose know he can crash on her deck, put to remember that she it Top Cat, and that only she gets to go inside. Other than these rules the inside cat is friendly, free-spirited and shallow.
After this first introduction, Moose tells Algebra this inside cat is a bit of a bitch. Algebra explains that she is a bit annoying but that she is the reason there is free food and doesn’t cause any fights.
Moose and Algebra live together on the deck for many months. During this time
Algebra hatches various harebrained schemes for the two of them to get into the basement a la Pinky and the Brain. As their plans are constantly thwarted, Moose has time to adjust to the city. He is essentially a small town gay boy come to SF for the first time. The two cats try to teach him the ways of surviving in this tough environment, the way the missing older outdoor cat taught them. The animals have many mishaps along these lines.
One of the adventures the Moose has with the cats is a visit to the SPCA. Moose discovers shortly after the Christmas party that he has an animal version of crabs. The cats tell him he must go to the SPCA. This is the place, although terrible, that the cats had to go to when they were in a family way, or got into trouble. The SPCA is modeled after the SF City Clinic. Moose takes the inside cat for moral support, Algebra is too afraid. Although Moose receives treatment, the human who treats him makes him uncomfortable and threatens to put him in a shelter or zoo, as the doctor finds a moose living in the city offensive. The Moose and the inside cat escape narrowly and return back to the safety of the deck.
In addition to the cats, Moose meets other city animals, which also impart their life philosophies to the Moose. One such animal is the raccoon, which feels the cats are no role models. He does not have to whore himself to people to get things. His powerful jaw defends him, and his dexterous hands open doors. He makes his way into apartments and garbage cans and takes whatever he wants. The cats, knowing they can’t win a fight with a raccoon, are only polite when he takes their food. (By contrast, the cats frequently scrap with other neighborhood cats when they invade the deck). The raccoon also shares his nostalgia about the basement, as for him it was full of delicious garbage and served as another entrance into the apartments.
Moose also meets rats. The rats live in warrens with other rats that are very similar to themselves. They hate all other groups of rats. Some of the warrens are like gangs, while others are more like a culturally identical group that all live in the same neighborhood and keep to their own. They have their own experience as city dwellers.
Another interloper is another small town animal: a grizzly bear. The grizzly bear shows up to deck parties and is constantly asking everyone if they remember him from the movie Grizzly Man. He gets too drunk at parties. His enormous weight causes the deck to depress like a trampoline, causing all the partgoers to fall toward wherever he stands.
Eventually, an intense earthquake happens. The city is in chaos. The houses around them are in various states of destruction. Algebra see this as her big chance to finally get back in the basement, which is now a hole in the ground covered in rubble. Her tiny cat brain finds the Utopia she remembered improved. There are even more nooks to get into and hide. Overtime, the naïve Moose has come to realize that “street smart” Algebra is a bit off her rocker. The Moose, is spite of its shallow self, has grown fond of Algebra and goes out to save it using its unique skills. Because the Moose is especially adapted with long legs to navigate high drifts of snow, he can easily navigate the rubble. He finds Algebra and manages to coax her out before the next aftershock.